I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
