He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
You took a bar mat shot.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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