I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
