before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
