am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
