stop calling my apartment porn island.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
