bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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