Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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