Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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