I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
