Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
