Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
How's work?
Spinning.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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