two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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