my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
