I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
