LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
