sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
smell my finger.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
