I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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