Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
