Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I just sucked dick on a ferry
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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