Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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