I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Randomize
