I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
