At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Randomize
