**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I believe in your delicious
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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