I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
