Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
