I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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