Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
