spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
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