A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Randomize
