I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
