I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
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Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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