if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
