mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
