i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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