You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
