No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
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She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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