so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
He did a backflip because drugs
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
