I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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