So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
