took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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