i jhust puked up my retainher.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Randomize
