This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Randomize
