Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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