I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
