She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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