Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
