Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
