how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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