I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
