the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
