JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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