$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
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She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
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You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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