to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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