I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
