hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
