Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
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