I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
