my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
