he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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