This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize