You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
