i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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